In the mood for love.

The Hill

Walking up the hill tonight
and you have closed your eyes,
I wish I didn't have to make all those mistakes and be wise.
Please try to be patient and know that I'm still learning.
I'm sorry that you have to see the strength inside me burning.

Where are you my angel now?
Don't you see me crying?
I know that you can do it all
but you can't say I'm not trying.
I'm on my knees in front of him
but he doesn't seem to see me
but all his troubles on this night
is looking right through me
and I'm letting myself down
by satisfying you
and I wish that you could see
I have my troubles, too.

Looking at you sleeping,
another man I love.
I'm sitting here weeping
while the hours pass so slow.
I know that in the morning
I have to let you go
and you'll be just a man
once I used to know.
Before these past days
someone I don't recognize
This isn't all my fault.
When will you realize?

Looking at you leaving,
I'm looking for a sign.

and is it true, devils end up like you

لا تتحدث معي كباقي النساء ..أتظن أننا نتشابه ..لا .. لا وألف لا ..أنا فيّ كلّ التناقض وشتى أنواع الغرابة ..أرى في عينيك استعجالا ..وعلى شفتيك ألف سؤال وسؤال .... سأقول لك من أنا ..وأحكم أنت إن كنت كالنساء ..فيني شموخ .. غضب .. كبرياء .. طموح ..قسوة .. حب .. حنان .. عطاء ..لماذا تنظــــــــــر الي ؟نحن مازلنا في البداية ..سأكمل لك سيدي الحكاية ..بين جوانحي قلب طاهر ..ومع ذلك دائماً خاسر ..يحب, يكابر, خاسر .. خاسرأحب الخير لكل البشر ..أكره الحقد .. أمقت الغدر ..وعندما أحزن .. كل شيء علي يظهر ..لا أجيد التخفي ولا التلاعب بالجمل ..عندما أغضب .. أصرخ ..أعبر عن رأيي مهما حصل ..أتأثر بألم غيري حتى الأعداء ..قد يثير مدامعي .. يسارع دقات قلبي ..مشهد .. أغنية .. منظر .. موقف ..يجعلني أحزن وأفكر ..في كل الأمور وبعض الأشياء ..لا تستغرب يا سيدي ..فأنا لست كباقي النساءعندما أُجرح أقابل ذلك بحزن عميق ..يمزق مني القلب ..ويطفئ من وجهي البريق ..ويأخذني الألم إلى سرداب الوحدة ..لا أحب الكلام ..فآلامي لي وحدي ..لا أحمل أحبتي أية أعباء ..فأنا لست كباقي النساء ..من لا يقدرني .. يحيرني ..فحقه مني التجاهل ..فأنا بالمثل أعامل ..قد أكون قاسية ..لا أرحم .. لا أجامل ..أنا لست دمية جميلة خرساء ..ولا إمرأة سخية بلهاء ..ألم أقل لك إنني لست كباقي النساء ؟عندما أحب . . أصبح وردة جورية ..صاخبة نقية ..أنصهر شوقا . . أحترق غيرة ..لا أتردد في إظهار مشاعري التي عادة ماتكبتها النساء ..مشاعري جلية .. عنيفة شقية ..أحيانا .. أكون أميرة العطاء ..وأحيانا تجدني سيدة البخلاء ..تناقضاتي كثيرة ..ما ذكرته لك هو رذاذ من مطر ..أو قطرة من بحر ..فأنا لست كباقي النساءانا حــــــواء..... في اختصار الانثى باربعه احرف... ح و ا ء

Single

"Sir, I Used to Love U with No Limits , Take U in Every Evening to the City of My Dreams .. & U Sir, was the Last to know ! .. ...MaybeI was an Unrealistic Woman , who takes Care of the Most Silly DetailsOf the Romantic Love , Who was a Little Girl Clapping Happily when Isee U , Who Was a Teen-Girl Shaking Shyly when I walk Next to U .. But,I was Something Bigger , Something More mature than U .. That'sHow I Loved U , with My Own Different Way .. My Crazy Way .. MyUnlimited Attracted Way .. I used to Miss U , when I see U .. &When I Miss U, I search for U .. when I Can't Find U, I Get Angry On U.. when I Get Angry On U , I Punish U between Me & Myself .. IUsed to Make Sure - ALL Sure - That U Appear in My Poems .. So U CanRead Yourself through Me .. U were the First One to Read .. the FirstNOT to Understand .. the First NOT to Feel .. & the Last To Clapfor Me !!Last Night ... I was Free , My Mind Started the Revolution .. Against My Old Cold Life with U .. Don'tGet Mad Sir ! .. it was a MUST thing to Exile U Away from My Soul .. IDon't Understand the Language of Stupidity .. & I Can't Stand aStupid Man to be the King of My Heart .. Ur Loved Queen .. "

Elle

لم أعد قادراً على حبس اسمكِ في حلقي . لم أعد قادراً على حبسكِ في داخلي مدةأطول . ماذا تفعل الوردة بعطرها ؟ أين تذهب الحقول بسنابلها ، والطاووس بذيله ، والقنديل بزيته ؟ أين أذهب بكِ ؟ أين أخفيكِ ؟ والناس يرونك في إشارات يدي ، في نبرة صوتي ، في إيقاع خطواتي

Here

Here, i feel safe

here is you

here i learned to bow for you

and raise my head

here you cant walk away

here you cant but listen to me

here,you can enjoy tears you find

shedding them for you

romantic

here, cast all your sadism

here, you can write on my skin

here loves you

here, you are the lunatic poet

here i have you

here you said it cant be anywhere else

here, is where my daily bread grow

every evening.

here, when its done

the territory shall be

occupied like other places

like Jupiter and New York

Tu es mon

Objet Petit a.

feathers

my shadow told me that she's having doubts
i asked her why
she said she's nomore sure that i am
her mate
i shooked my head with surprise
so she looked at me and said :
he has your soul
he has your thoughts
you're a man in a shape of a girl...

I smiled, then i took off the smile
i remembered yesterday
the smell
the eyes
of that girl

I could live
but you cant survive a girl with a prefebricated heart
a girl who gets nude to respect your presence
a girl who calls your silence prostitution

Now, my shadow is declaring war against you
she wants me back
back ...
but she doesnt know where to search
and i dont know where i am

your years are causing me pain
more than to you...
and more is demanding for my blood
and my blood is red
just like your face
the last time you prayed...

I know

I know
I cant have what is not mine
I know
I cant owe heavens when sin is all i am
I know
I cant have you when you're fourty years old
I know
I am not supposed to talk about it
I know
I cant look at you when she still around
I know
You left whats left of me for no reason
I know
I have to break thousands of hearts
I know
Im just another trivial who thinks that love exists
I know
Im still waiting for you

Will you ever forgive me for loving you that much ...

even a lie couldnt bring you back to me

My Blueberry Night

like every year, i am blessed by your memory...
and like today waiting for the tomorrow to see you
with each raise of each tuesday and thursday sun
i still can remember my orphan blueberry night
i still can smell the taste of your coffee with "nestle"
i disliked then .. my whole presence still shiver
when i remember that look in your eyes,
i never knew what was hidden between the unspoken ..
i failed to read your signs, their signs
i still can feel the warmth of the sofa you made by your own hands carpenter
just like St. Joseph you said..
my only blueberry night i got, the sweet taste of nostalgia just like the taste of my only kiss
from your unsullied lips..
i still can remember that day eva shot you with her cell camera and you didnt like it, you were "over sensitive concerning images esp. images!"
but images are valuable dear the only thing left from you ..
i still can hear Chan singing The greatest , the melodies and the notes you admired and dedicated it to me
i still can see "rouge" "The film you should see, i dedicate you Rouge",
i still love the judge and his tears
On that night, i still remember our Orthencia for you, hope its still alive, at least in your heart..
I remember maya and the infinite phone calls she had that made you laugh , your red room , your beautiful red room with some soft red light , a little library and some pictures for philosophers and directors..
like every year, but this one is special, you're not here
you would wish me millions of happy birthday, "think of me much more", "spending three consecutive days celebrating" , "you and eva maria"... iloveyou , iloveyou , i even love your projection...
I do remember the chocolate cake you made in your parents house since you dont have an oven in your place only for us because we like chocolate, you served it with blueberry icecream and stared at me eating it...
i still blush til now ..
and my white artificial flower you took by surprise from my hand to smell it , disappointed to know it was made from tissue, but you touching my hand softly trembling all my being is what missed you, i felt the earth decaying down on me ..
even your touch could leave a mess...
thats my blueberry night, my jeremy and my song, it wasnt easy crossing to the other side of the street to soon return back sadly because my Jeremy never existed, maybe in 2046 maybe in Kar Wai's mind maybe in your imagination but fear was the strongest to take whats was willing to be mine , to be mine...
"the greatest''

and you still here...

I griefed you within him

sunglasses away from me

sun and glasses

my intimacy got shy

raising blood to my eyes

quivering the air i cant smell

for lack of lacking.

blind glasses

corrupted my thoughts

to inflame my wound

again.

I would love to stay

but im in hurry

nothingness is waiting

for my presence.

Suddenly, i found her

surrended by holes

staring with no feeling

in the eye

judged by an addiction

that doesnt exist.

and then, my pupil

caressed slowly your

mind, your nerves, your me.

larva

if you were a snail, would you walk on my bare
and imbibe all the heat on the back of my neck ?
and oh, how beautiful i will feel
If you were a snail, would you hide me in the darkness
of your shell and shower me with your holy saliva ?
and all the significant waters of the world will turn tasteless
If you were a snail, would you give the honor to sit
and watch you little piece of meat and coiled shell
taking the whole of my presence ?
would you?, little snail, haunts me body and soul like
a demon?
Im a fallen angel, little snail, begged God to get expelled
so i can rest in your slavery
i love you little snail, you have no eyes
at least not ones that can see...

Miscellaneous

Elderly Klamath woman photographed by Edward S. Curtis in 1924

i am only a widow
whose husband is still
alive
on a bed of gravel, i layed
jilted, dead, white widow
and my spouse is alive
still
and i become the ure of
Reliability theory
whole of me is motionless
but my tears
bitterly fed by your
Senescence
and each time my body
trembles of blackness
and nicotine
hoping to lose remembrance
i remember
that its a grace i was prevented
from
so i think of you
and the thought of you
makes me wet, the smell remains
relic in the locks of my hair
touching my mouth.. my lips.. my nose
half a human
fearless
careless
tempted by nothing, enjoying this nothingness
and that claustrophobia you enticed me to
whole of me
inside of me, inside of that little dark small red place
called heart
pumping stones not blood
and it hurt
the ring in my middle finger

old and yellow, ugly yellowness

and i sank , i sank i sank and you

watching me sinking and sinking

just watching

I wonder, where is your conscience

sleeping

then, i take a look only to find it

deep down in this ocean, next to me

laying scared, weak, quivering from cold.

My Hours

time forgot to heal her wounds,
even time forgets,
but not her.
I blame him not
he has so much to erase

time forgot about her,
she was stuck in a time she doesnt belong to
stuck between choices and hours.
between a dead life and life through death
I hail you Mrs Woolf, you got my eyes, my thoughts
and my feelings they didnt understood, Both.

Its no longer a feeling, its a prison
im reeking inside
secretly
alone
in the dark.

Oh dear! i forgot that love, loving you
with no bounds is a sin,
and im paying off now the price of my
Deaf
Blind
Mute being.

Forgive me Virginia for my urge desire
to kiss your lips and look to your eyes
but im bleeding for a reflection
im bleeding for a reflection

Every image is licking my infection
adding heat and salt, lot of them
extending unexpectedly to my veins
the smell lingers in my nose straight to my
lungs
filling them,
filling them,
with the smell of death
while life is still young

Forgive me Virginia, i've seen every me in you
i've tasted every needle and screamed with you
inhaled every sigh and walked every step,
Forgive me Virginia,
I had it all
But your courage
I had it all,
But your courage.

"goodbye little girl"

like 'Bess

all i can answer,
all i know,
is that my tongue is in love
with every single tear in
your eyes
your breath touching my skin
is more than enough reason
to stay alive
every move she made
every word she uttered
stabbed every memory
of you
in me
2 :30 am
a message i left you
a scene i could see :
your phone
vibrating in your red room
breaking the silence
of your world
that you decided i leave.
a bathroom
bare feet
and a mirror
and tears stinging my cheeks
like now as im writing you this
that was the world yesterday
for me
i cant wake up
the price is too high
and i cant afford diying
eventhough,
utterly aware,
someday
you'll be the death of me
death of me.
and nothing else left
but a song
that rip out my quiet boiling tears
and hold my eyes
never off of you
never off of you
as im willing to
breaking the waves
as reality
and not as a story
i choose to believe
too
like 'Bess

Hand in cap

reticently,
pile of anguish
inhaling ur words
word by word
letter by letter
dancing on my nerves
declaring wars on my body
poor icicle me
deicers couldnt melt
motivated by an insolent boldness

living daily with their words
word by word
letter by letter
baptised with pity
bearing each day looks and eyes
glowing with scornful compassion
scratching the glass
breaking the i
the eye
.

wave goodbye to a lost ego
finger by finger
look by look
follow the rituals and obey the deity
floating through flying landscapes
second by second
one by one
alone.

because
adoring you
for me
was a religion

"im well aware of how it aches, and you still won't let me in"

..."i even kissed the lock of your door"...

DALIA

...and sadness fell in love with me, death took me by his warm arms, and melodies offered me its melancholy smiles, my misery cause is someone i dont know.
its not my fault if sky is unreachable , its not my problem if the sun is a liar.
but it became.
please, i beg you, stop these voices and question marks in my mind...
or finish what you started, finish me.
why did you turn me into a woman
to later on,
throw me alone
leave me oustide
like a child.
i said all the love words which i know and which i dont.
i wrote you all the grief poems painted on my heart
at nights, with lot of tears, lot of wandering, lot of smoke and wine.
you will never read them or hear them, you're too far, and im too close, you're too cold, and im too warm, you're too blue, and im too rouge.
brunette with charming beauty, a dancer with breathtaking eyes,
a student of theater stirred the man in you,
and a woman who broke your heart.
closing his doors in front of me.
...
and i still pray hoping St Joseph would hear my prayers.

transparent secrets

she died today
for a couple of hours
she gave birth to her tears
hot salted tears.
she dived her hair unto hot water
the hot drops of water emerged with her tears
so the pain would be easier to bear.
she thought of you today
it hurts
as always
she ate a piece of tomato
weird, it felt like a tomato
...
she lost her temper, screamed silently
she yelled, shouted and spoke to you
without uttering a single word.
the hollers in her mind violently consulved her
and she's not anymore.
she invented a virtual reality
to escape a bitter real dream
she felt like an empty swing rocked back and forth in the wind.
she failed being a human being
as a seed of choler is growing smoothly inside her spirit
the bursts of her forlornnesses were about to detonate
but something changed
suddenly
she remembered her weakness towards his eyes
a sea breeze invaded her frozen heart
and she fell again.
the electric current in her dead body moved again
to remind her that she's
Alive.
i saw her today
she was staring at me in the mirror
i was stunned to see how much she looks like me
i never knew that me was like her
like this.
now what ?