The Day Ella Wore a Dress

My dear, dear, dear Ella ... The day you decided to wear the dress, I took it off, I had to,
for my knowledge that it was just a dream, and Moses is less then a millisecond in your long dream, in my long dream ...
and he said "miracles can only happen when believing in leading and right decisions", and in fact, it was the only option i had, so i re-turned back to fangfoss trying not be afraid from the light in the dark. My dear Ella, you and your beautiful peach yellow dress, you borrowed from Tori, delightedly given with melodies.
A woman's life, Ella's life, your life in one day, your whole life in just one day, a fate you become its master, a silence you decide to break and keep it later on..
My beautiful Ella, on which bed you will lay on ? Which mirror will reflect you before you look at ? Will you lose your head if it happened you were wrong ? Are u making a proffessional salad ?
Oh Ella, who are you ? where do you come from ?
Should I love the me in you ? should i see it ? should every page of your hours release this pressure of me ? and the icicle melts away ?
My lovely Ella, you wore a dress on a very usual day, it was monday, only monday... a magical dress you thought it would change your life, move you back to the city and its fancy lights where your happiness lies, your happiness lies...
Dear oh Dear, what happened to that dress you never wore again ? is it still covered with dirt and thrown on the ground ? are you clean now ? clean of every steam ?
What happens when I reach the last page ? Is it a happy ending ? Am i satisfied for Ella's begining? for seeing the drastic reality of me ?
she's not preaching though, nor am i, but i miss her cup of coffee, the sun on her face, the backyard, humming birds... but nothing burns the same ...
But when ill find Ella, when ill find Life, ill let you know
for now im just licking ideas,words, lyrics and glass
I did my best, it wasnt much
i couldnt feel, so i tried to touch
ive told you the truth, i didnt come to fool you
...

My White

I like my clothes today,
Im wearing my skin,
the one that belongs to me
only my skin
and it makes me feel beautiful
again.
Oh my love !
What can i say ??
What possibly can i say more ?
I shall write on the blank again
even if "happiness isnt enjoyable"
but i am blank
i am white
i am wearing my skin
my white beautiful skin
again.
This time the blank is not
a synonym for emptiness
Oh my love, my muse
My misdemeanor !
Im happy with my emptiness
im happy, see
"Misery motivates, not Utopia"
:)

My Hours

time forgot to heal her wounds,
even time forgets,
but not her.
I blame him not
he has so much to erase

time forgot about her,
she was stuck in a time she doesnt belong to
stuck between choices and hours.
between a dead life and life through death
I hail you Mrs Woolf, you got my eyes, my thoughts
and my feelings they didnt understood, Both.

Its no longer a feeling, its a prison
im reeking inside
secretly
alone
in the dark.

Oh dear! i forgot that love, loving you
with no bounds is a sin,
and im paying off now the price of my
Deaf
Blind
Mute being.

Forgive me Virginia for my urge desire
to kiss your lips and look to your eyes
but im bleeding for a reflection
im bleeding for a reflection

Every image is licking my infection
adding heat and salt, lot of them
extending unexpectedly to my veins
the smell lingers in my nose straight to my
lungs
filling them,
filling them,
with the smell of death
while life is still young

Forgive me Virginia, i've seen every me in you
i've tasted every needle and screamed with you
inhaled every sigh and walked every step,
Forgive me Virginia,
I had it all
But your courage
I had it all,
But your courage.

"goodbye little girl"

like 'Bess

all i can answer,
all i know,
is that my tongue is in love
with every single tear in
your eyes
your breath touching my skin
is more than enough reason
to stay alive
every move she made
every word she uttered
stabbed every memory
of you
in me
2 :30 am
a message i left you
a scene i could see :
your phone
vibrating in your red room
breaking the silence
of your world
that you decided i leave.
a bathroom
bare feet
and a mirror
and tears stinging my cheeks
like now as im writing you this
that was the world yesterday
for me
i cant wake up
the price is too high
and i cant afford diying
eventhough,
utterly aware,
someday
you'll be the death of me
death of me.
and nothing else left
but a song
that rip out my quiet boiling tears
and hold my eyes
never off of you
never off of you
as im willing to
breaking the waves
as reality
and not as a story
i choose to believe
too
like 'Bess

Dreaming awake

I drew your eyes
In the stars
Colored your face
With my tears
And sang your name
In my dreams

You are my lost land
My forbidden apple
I panted you
Dreams on the sand
And now I shall always
Live with fear
That the ocean
Smashes my dreams
In an moment when
I wouldn’t be near

Hand in cap

reticently,
pile of anguish
inhaling ur words
word by word
letter by letter
dancing on my nerves
declaring wars on my body
poor icicle me
deicers couldnt melt
motivated by an insolent boldness

living daily with their words
word by word
letter by letter
baptised with pity
bearing each day looks and eyes
glowing with scornful compassion
scratching the glass
breaking the i
the eye
.

wave goodbye to a lost ego
finger by finger
look by look
follow the rituals and obey the deity
floating through flying landscapes
second by second
one by one
alone.

because
adoring you
for me
was a religion

"im well aware of how it aches, and you still won't let me in"

..."i even kissed the lock of your door"...